Your metrics are boring and dangerous. Recycled slides with meaningless counts of alerts, incidents, true and false positives… SNOOZE. Even worse, it’s motivating your team to distort the truth and subvert progress. This talk is your wake-up call to rethink your detection and response metrics. You’ll get a practical framework for developing your own metrics, a new maturity model for measuring capabilities, and lots of visual examples of metrics that won’t put your audience to sleep.