"I'm not paranoid, everyone is just out to get me!" Keeping your personal address private is extremely difficult in modern society. It's just as sensitive as a password or a credit card, yet it can't be easily changed (unless you love moving). Swatting, doxing, and stalking all happen to people working in infosec and keeping your address secret is the best prevention. In this talk, we'll discuss my experience in hiding my address as well as threat models, strategies, and pitfalls for both beginners and experts. This talk will also include the first public disclosure of a data breach that affects over 10 million Texans.