"This talk outlines some common, but effective, red team tactics as well as some of the defensive countermeasures for them. Boring, right? Wrong, because it doesn't stop there! Next we will escalate the complexity and sneakiness of the attacks for the purpose of dealing with the defensive countermeasures. We go back and forth like this, through a few iterations of each attack and its defenses. We conclude with an analysis of defensive trends, and a suggestion for shifting the way defense is commonly thought of.