In the utopic world of whitebox cryptomania, cryptographic programs can be freely executed, copied and shared without endangering their inner secret keys, as breaking them requires intractable computational efforts. Once again, constructive cryptography has prevailed over cryptanalysis thanks to reductionist proofs and tamper-resistant cryptographic software has suddenly become a reality. This talk explores the side effects of this parallel universe on cryptographic constructions - good and bad alike - and what they potentially mean for the security of the Cloud.