People want stunt hacks of dog feeders and space shuttles. People need meaningful improvements in security. You can't always get what you want[1], even if you might get what you need[2]. But fuck that. This is Kiwicon. I'm going to give you what you want *and* what you need. In 30 minutes you'll learn about a brand new defensive technology that'll mitigate a bunch of privilege escalation attacks and container escapes, something that'll let you verify that an Onion endpoint didn't boot an NSA software stack and a 2FA solution for checking nobody's replaced your system firmware with a thinly veiled pretext. BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE. You'll also hear about terrible IoT devices, why nobody should be allowed to do their own encryption, how basically everybody screws up transfer of devices to new accounts and probably some more bullshit after I dig my way through the pile of boxes of dubiously sourced equipment sitting in my living room. ALL THIS FOR ONLY 30 MINUTES OF YOUR TIME ACT NOW OFFER VOID IN NORTHERN TERRITORIES AND ADAMS ISLAND [1] Rolling Stones, 1969 [2] Rolling Stones, 1969