Despite the name of the talk, we will go through introductory concepts of what scalpel is used for, how to use it, and basic modifications to the scalpel.conf file. We start with doing it right. Then we start editing source code and do it wrong, very stupid wrong, then eventually kind of cool wrong. One misconfiguration of scalpel.h led to an exaggerated discovery that produced the magicbomb tool. I will explain how to avoid falling into the traps that magicbomb produces. Finally, we will trick scalpel to scan for viruses. As it turns out, scalpel will dig deeper where other AV vendors stop short...not that it turns out to be useful in any way.